dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize