Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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