What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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