Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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