dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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