She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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