I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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