Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize