Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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