I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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