can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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