I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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