And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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