I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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