So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize