I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I skipped work to stalk him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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