My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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