someone threw a dead crab at me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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