tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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