Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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