This is not my ceiling
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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