im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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