Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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