im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
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We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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