Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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