I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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