ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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