I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize