you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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