i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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