Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Pappa wants mamma naked
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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