I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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