So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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