Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize