Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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