SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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