my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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