I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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