I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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