A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
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sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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