first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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