I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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