are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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