My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am spending my child support on dildos
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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