She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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