he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm always down for nudity.
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