Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
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You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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