I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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