i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize