you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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