It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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