You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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