You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize