My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize