I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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