doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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