dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize